Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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