you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
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You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
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I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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