i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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