a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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