remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
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She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
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The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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