Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
