Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
