WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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