what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
