I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
