I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
