I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
We are two peas in an std pod
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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