I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
So here I am, sexting at work.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
