Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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