So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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