Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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