So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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