Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
