i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
