I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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