Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
