i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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