What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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