grandma shit on top of the toilet
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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