So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
