Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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