I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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