i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
