he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
