State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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