brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm getting married
To pizza
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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