Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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