My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
