woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
