My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
