I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
