well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
It's shark week go big or go home
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
