I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
