Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
