sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
