My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
This is the high leading the old right now
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
