Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
