I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
