even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
