Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
