Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize