apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
