And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
