I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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