the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
