Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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