I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She bit a glass in half.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
