It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
