but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
