so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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