Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
