youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
