During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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