My hair reeks of homosexuality.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
