Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
