I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
