I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize