I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Randomize
