Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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