yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I need to stop coming to work sober
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
