Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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