Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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