I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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