this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
