Buhtt sex?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
